I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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