just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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