My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
