I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh god it's open bar.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
