she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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