I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
