went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize