If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
