If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
