You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
