Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
