That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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