when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
