So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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