I want to make a zoo with you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
