You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
