So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
