I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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