Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
