he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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