Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
