a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize