When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
