In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
