soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
