Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
