youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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