And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
