My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
