tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
