I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
