xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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