listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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