am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
