i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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