If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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