Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
