Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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