I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
