How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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