So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
