We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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