Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
