Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
