Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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