My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
