i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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