I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
