I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
