I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
