Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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