return my video game
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
