No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
