I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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