Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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