already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
