think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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