the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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