I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
