Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
