Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
These tits shall not be calmed
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
