Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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