why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
